Google seems to have been viewed satircally as God by Matt MacPherson. He has started a new website called the Church of Google which in many ways tries to immitate the Christian faith by proving that Google is God and having it’s own set of ten commandments.
Here are some proofs that Google is God :
PROOF #1
Google is all-knowing (Omniscient). She indexes over 9.5 billion WebPages, which is more than any other search engine on the web today. Not only is Google all-knowing, but She also sorts through this vast amount of data using Her patented PageRank method, making said data accessible for us mere mortals.
PROOF #2
Google is everywhere at once (Omnipresent). Google’s search engine is virtually everywhere on earth at the same time. Billions of indexed WebPages hosted from every corner of the earth. With the proliferation of Wi-Fi networks, you will eventually be able to access Google from anywhere on earth, truly making Her an omnipresent entity.
PROOF #3
Google answers prayers. One can pray to Google by doing a search for whatever question or problem is plaguing them. As an example, you can quickly find information on alternative cancer treatments, ways to improve your health, new and innovative medical discoveries and generally anything that resembles a typical prayer. Ask Google and She will show you the way, but showing you is all She can do, for you must help yourself from that point on.
PROOF #4
Google is immortal. She cannot be considered a physical being such as ourselves. Her Algorithms are spread out across many servers; if any of which were taken down or damaged, another would undoubtedly take it’s place. Google can theoretically last forever.
PROOF #5
Google is infinite. The Internet can theoretically grow forever, and Google will forever index it’s infinite growth.
PROOF #6
Google remembers all. Google caches WebPages regularly and stores them on it’s massive servers.
PROOF #7
Google can “do no evil” (Omnibenevolent). Part of Google’s corporate philosophy is the belief that a company can make money without being evil.
PROOF #8
Evidence of Google’s existence is abundant. There is more evidence for the existence of Google than any other God worshiped today. Extraordinary evidence requires extraordinary proof. If seeing is believing, then surf over to www.google.com and experience for yourself Google’s awesome power.
While these are pretty hard core when it comes to convincing readers that Google is pretty powerful, read the commandments and you are gonna be blown away by the humor shown in the commandments. He has been able to come up with 5 of the ten commandments for Google.
Commandments in bold are the changed ones obviously. I’m working on the rest… Contact me if you have any ideas.
1. Thou shalt have no other Search Engine before me, neither Yahoo nor Lycos, AltaVista nor Metacrawler. Thou shalt worship only me, and come to Google only for answers.
2. Thou shalt not build your own commercial-free search engine, for I am a jealous engine, bringing law suits and plagues against the fathers of the children unto the third and fourth generations.
3. “Thou shalt not use Google as a verb.
4. “Remember [zachor] the Sabbath day and keep it holy” (the version in Deuteronomy reads shamor, “observe”)
The seventh day of the week is termed Shabbat and is holy, just as God ceased creative activity during Creation. The aspect of zachor (remember) is performed by declaring the greatness of the day (kiddush), by having three festive meals and by engaging in Torah study and pleasurable activities. The aspect of shamor is performed by abstaining from productive activity (the 39 melachot, forbidden categories of work) on the Shabbat.
5. “Thou shalt honor your father and your mother…”
The obligation to honor one’s parents is an obligation that one owes to God and fulfills this obligation through one’s actions towards one’s parents.
6. Thou shalt not misspell.
7. “Thou shalt not commit adultery.”
Adultery is defined as sexual intercourse with a married woman (Rashi).
8. “Thou shalt not steal.”
This is not understood as stealing in the conventional sense, since theft of property is forbidden elsewhere and is not a capital offense. In this context it is to be taken as “do not kidnap” (Rashi).
9. “Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbor”
One must not bear false witness in a court of law or other proceeding.
10. “Thou shalt not manipulate Search Results. Search Engine Optimization is but the work of Microsoft.
This is a pretty impressive website if you want to have a good laugh on a boring afternoon.
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